Marriage After 63 Years: What Love Really Looks Like

Honoring the Legacy | Sustaining the Heart | Inspiring the Future

A Mirror of Decades

Last month, my wife Amy and I celebrated our 36th wedding anniversary. It was a milestone we approached with deep gratitude, reflecting on the life we’ve built together.

Shortly after, in one of the communities where I serve as chaplain, I met a couple who attended the chapel service I conducted.

As we greeted each other, I shared that we had been together for 36 years. They smiled warmly, but I was truly humbled when they mentioned their own upcoming milestone: next month, they will be celebrating their 63rd wedding anniversary.

They “reversed” our numbers—36 turned into 63. Looking at them, I saw more than just a long time spent together; I saw a living library of wisdom. It made me think of couples like Tom and Helen, who show us that the view from the 50-year mark (and beyond) is very different from the view at the start.

An Anniversary Confession

Tom reached for Helen’s hand across the restaurant table during their 50th anniversary dinner.

“Remember our first date?” he asked. “You wore that blue dress, and I spilled soda all over myself.”

Helen smiled, but then her expression softened into something more serious. “Tom, I need to tell you something. For many years, I was uncertain whether we would reach this point. Remember when the kids were teenagers, and you were working those eighty-hour weeks? I felt so alone. I actually looked up divorce lawyers once.”

Tom was quiet. He did not pull his hand away. “The year I lost my job,” he admitted, “I took it out on you. I thought you would leave. I would not have blamed you.”

They sat there in the candlelight, two people who had almost quit, but did not. Two people who had survived the “hard years” and found something deeper on the other side.

“We did it,” Helen whispered.

“We did,” Tom said. “Barely. But we did.”

Reflection: The Wisdom of the Long Haul

Encountering a couple who have shared their lives for more than 50 or 60 years illustrates that enduring love is not simply an initial spark but a sustained commitment. While sparks may flare briefly yet fade, maintaining a lasting relationship requires ongoing dedication and effort, similar to tending a hearth through the continual addition of fuel.

1. Love is a Verb, Not a Vibe.

During our twenties, we tend to rely on feelings of excitement and anticipation. As we age, we lean on 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. Notice that the passage defines love through actions: patient, kind, bears, believes, hopes, and endures. Wisdom has taught you that love is what you do when you do not feel like doing it. It is the decision to be patient when your partner is forgetful, and kind when you are tired.

2. The Theology of the “Real Person.”

You did not marry the person sitting across from you today. You married the person they were decades ago. Over time, you had to grieve the loss of the “ideal” spouse to make room for the “real” one.

The Wisdom: You chose to love the real person with the arthritic hands and the repeated stories, rather than resenting them for no longer being the person in the wedding photos.

3. Covenant Over Contract.

A contract says, “I will stay as long as my needs are met.” A covenant says, “I will stay because I gave my word before God.”

Reflection: The “threefold cord” of Ecclesiastes 4:12 (You, your spouse, and God) is not just a wedding verse; it is a survival strategy. When you could not hold onto each other, the “Third Cord” held onto both of you.

What You Know Now (That You Wish You Knew Then)

The Hard Years are Normal: Conflict is not a sign of failure; it is a sign of two sinners sharing a life.
Forgiveness is Infinite: Jesus’ “seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:22) was not a math problem; it was a marriage manual.
Laughter is a Lubricant: The years you spent being “serious” about your problems were often less productive than the years you spent laughing at them.

The Legacy of Persistence

When younger couples—or even “middle-aged” couples like Amy and me—look at you, we do not see a “perfect” marriage. We see a persistent one. Your legacy is not that you never struggled; it’s that you never stopped choosing each other.

Your Legacy: Teaching Younger Couples

When younger couples see you together, what do they learn?

They learn love is possible. In a culture where half of marriages end, you’re proof it can last.

They learn love is worth fighting for. You didn’t stay because it was easy. You stayed because you made a vow.

They learn that love grows richer with time. The deepest intimacy isn’t in the honeymoon phase—it’s in knowing someone for fifty years and still choosing them.

They learn love points to something greater. Ephesians 5:31-32 says marriage is a picture of Christ and the church. Your endurance reflects His.

This Valentine’s Day:

Tell your spouse one thing you appreciate about them now that you could not have known in year one. What is a “hidden beauty” that only decades of history could reveal?

📖 Scripture & Resources

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12: The power of two together.
Ephesians 4:26: Not letting the sun go down on anger.
Philippians 2:3-4: Counting others as more significant than yourself.

Further Reading:

Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas (Marriage as a tool for holiness). View on Amazon
The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman (Understanding your spouse’s unique “heart language”).
The DNA of Relationships by Gary Smalley.

The Covenant Renewal Prayer

A Prayer for the Long Haul

Together: Lord, we come before You today, not as the young couple who stood at the altar decades ago, but as two souls refined by the fires of life. We thank You for being the “Third Cord” that held us together when our own strength failed.

Partner 1: I thank You for the grace to forgive and the strength to stay. I thank You for the gift of my spouse—for the ways they have challenged me, comforted me, and walked beside me through seasons of plenty and seasons of want.

Partner 2: I thank You for the beauty that only time can reveal. I thank You for a love that has moved past feelings and into the deep, steady rhythm of a promise kept. I thank You for the shared history that only we possess.

Together: Lord, as we look toward the years ahead, we ask for:

Patience for the slowing of our bodies.
Kindness for the moments of frustration.
Laughter to brighten the ordinary days.
Faith to trust You with the ending of our story, just as we trusted You with the beginning.

Our Milestone of Grace

Use this space to reflect on your journey together:

We are celebrating our ________ year of marriage.

Looking back from this milestone, one way we have seen God’s faithfulness is:

Together: Help us to continue “counting the other as more significant than ourselves.” May our marriage be a living testament to Your unwavering faithfulness to Your people. We are Yours, and we are each other’s.

Amen.

Wisdom Spotlight:

“A covenant is not a contract we sign to get what we want; it is a vow we make to become who God wants us to be.”